Why?

There was something unnerving about the way he stood there.

 

He was calm and quiet; a relentless specter, bashing my forehead again,  and again.

 

How could someone who was so violent be so silent? How could someone so desperate be so compliant?

 

I spoke and he listened. Without so much as a tilted head, he accepted my decree, and slipped away.

 

Why did I expect more? Why did I desire more? Why did I need more?

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

I had never loved before. I would not again.

 

I had never deserted myself. I would not return.

 

I had never surrendered. I had whispered foolish things in her ear. Wisps of eternity, lies that I had thought to be true.

 

She spoke and I listened. Without so much has a tilted head, I accepted her decree, and I slipped away.

 

Why did I surrender? Why did I retreat? Why did I need more?